


Always a birthday somewhere

by marginaliana



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Epistolary, M/M, ignoring COE, in parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 09:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13291710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: Jack receives two birthday cards telling him that Torchwood is going to have a visitor.





	Always a birthday somewhere

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AuroraCloud](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraCloud/gifts).



Jack was just back from handling a small problem on the outskirts of Cardiff, covered in fertilizer and feathers, and heading for the shower in his bolthole when he saw the envelope placed at a jaunty angle on his pillow. It had his name on the front. He stopped in his tracks. 

Torchwood's security wasn't the best he'd ever seen, but he'd augmented it considerably over the years with the future tech that he could replicate, and it was pretty damn good. Normally he'd at least have received a notification from the mainframe if someone unexpected had been in. But all the alarms were quiet and the system didn't have anything unusual to report.

After a moment, he picked up the letter. The handwriting was crabby and he didn't recognize it, although he thought that maybe he should. He turned it over and thumbed open the flap. Inside was a greeting card with stripes, decorated with images of cats wearing party hats, some of them circled by the words 'Happy Birthday!'

It wasn't Jack's birthday, not in any calendar he'd ever heard of. 

Inside the card was a message, written in the same crabbed hand.

> Happy birthday. Probably. Somewhere.
> 
> You told me that I left you this so that you'd know I was coming round in a bit, so best not to risk not doing it. Anyway, keep the triangular thingie out for me. And tell your young man that I like chai now. Two sugars, cream not milk.
> 
> ~~Cheerio~~ ~~Toodle pip~~ ~~Tata~~
> 
> No, no, no, none of that will work. I expect I'll figure it out eventually.
> 
> —the Doctor

Jack flipped the card closed, then opened it again to reread the message and make sure he hadn't hallucinated it. He had no idea what the triangular thing was, but he supposed he would encounter it at some point.

He realized he was grinning like an idiot and he shook his head. "Well, that should be interesting," he said, and tucked the card back into its envelope before going to shower.

\-----

The second card showed up a week later. By that point, Jack had acquired the triangular thing, although he still had no idea what it did other than light up irregularly and hum every hour on the hour. He'd put it off to one side on an unused desk; Owen was taking bets on what it was, which Jack had decided not to notice.

He went out on a lunch run with Ianto – not strictly necessary, but then again he was the boss and who was going to stop him? – and when he came back there was an envelope sitting on his desk, propped up against the small TARDIS crystal that he kept there.

This time, the front of the card showed an attractive man, clad only in tight boxer briefs, with a small dachshund sitting on his lap. The dog had a speech bubble that said "You look absolutely wonderful today!" and the message printed inside read "For your Birthday – thought you'd like to like to see a CUTE GUY with a NICE WIENER!"

Jack boggled at it for a long, long moment. 

Underneath was a handwritten message.

> Still your birthday. Somewhere. Probably. That's the way these things work.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the card. I seem to remember that this is the sort of thing you like. Took me awhile to track this one down, actually. They don't have many of them when I am. I suppose they've fallen out of fashion.
> 
> Save me the fuzzy octagon as well. It goes with the triangle.
> 
> ~~So long~~ (that's terribly inappropriate, isn't it) ~~Ciao~~ ~~Have a nice universe~~
> 
> Still not right, those.
> 
> —the Doctor

Jack rubbed his thumb over the corner of the card. They actually had the fuzzy octagon already; he'd have to get it back out of storage.

He'd kept the first card to himself, but this one was too absurd not to share. He pulled the first one out of the drawer, then went to the door of his office and called down. "Ianto!"

Ianto appeared from the kitchen. "You can't be desperate to see me again already, Jack," he said with a grin.

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Jack said, beckoning. Ianto came obediently up the stairs and Jack handed him both cards, with the kittens on top. "I'm not sure when, but we're going to have a visitor."

Ianto raised an eyebrow at the cats, then laughed out loud at the second card. "He knows you too well," he said. 

Jack pouted. "I'm not _that_ crude," he said. "Well, not all the time."

"You absolutely are," said Ianto. His grin was beautiful; Jack kissed him just to taste it, then carried on kissing him because he couldn't resist. Ianto returned the kiss, dropping the cards onto the desk and then pushing Jack against it. 

Jack forgot about the cards entirely for quite a while.

\-----

It was ten days later when the woman came strolling out of the archives right in the middle of a staff meeting. Jack had his back to her but he saw Owen do a double-take and that made him whirl around.

She looked rather ordinary, for Cardiff in the twentieth century. Cropped trousers, braces, shirt with a rainbow on it, long coat with a hood. Slightly off-center hair. He wouldn't have been particularly surprised to see her in a coffee shop. He was definitely surprised to see her here, though. 

"Hello!" she said. There was something familiar about her, but Jack couldn't quite identify it. After a moment she grinned and poked both fingers into her cheeks. "New face, Jack! How d'you like it?"

The penny dropped. "Doctor!" he said. "It's lovely to see you."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Owen muttered. Gwen elbowed him. 

"It's a wonderful face," Ianto said smoothly. "Would you like something to drink? I believe I've heard that you prefer chai, and we have a lovely selection."

"Oooh, yes," the Doctor said.

Ianto stood and clamped his hand onto Owen's shoulder. "Owen, come and help me," he said. Owen opened his mouth, but Ianto's fingers dug in and he closed it again.

"Yes, sir," he muttered sarcastically, and let himself be led into the kitchen. Jack made a mental note to reward Ianto later on.

"What can we do for you?" Jack asked the Doctor. "World ending? Imminent death? Need someone to translate from Karjagian?"

"I didn't know you could read Karjagian," the Doctor said. "But no, no. I've just come to pick up my instruments."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Is that what those are? The triangle and the octagon?"

"Of course," the Doctor said. "I'm helping with an investiture on Algonia Prime, and they've misplaced theirs. They go rather nicely with a transverse cello. I used to be able to play that, you know. Lots of faces ago, of course." She grinned again as Ianto came back with a steaming mug. She took a sip and made an appreciative noise, giving him a nod. "What did you think they were?"

"Plant spores," said Tosh.

"Alien language dictionaries," said Ianto. 

"Heaters," said Gwen.

"Sex toys," said Owen, and then, "Ow!" as Tosh smacked him.

The Doctor shook her head. "Humans. I never quite know what's going on in there." She tapped a finger to her head. "Very interesting. Well, cheers for keeping them for me." She crossed to the desk and picked up both the triangle and the octagon, wedging them under one arm while still holding the mug. "I knew I could count on you." 

Jack tried not to let himself feel too much pleasure at that. 

"By the way, I'm working on my goodbye," she added. "Face is too new to know all about myself. What do you think sounds better? Vale? Peace out? I met a young man wearing a very interesting shirt who suggested, 'I've got to split,' but I rarely do need to actually bisect myself, so I don't think that would be appropriate."

"Mmm," said Jack, trying to stifle a smile. "I see your point. None of those seems quite right." Behind him, Owen was making a choking noise.

"True," the Doctor said. "Oh, well, I'll get there." She gave Jack a nod, and then Ianto as well, waggling the mug, and then turned and walked away, disappearing into the archives without another word.

"You sent me some birthday cards," Jack called after her. "Telling me you were coming round and what you wanted me to keep."

There was no reply, but he hadn't expected one, and after a moment he swung back around. "In fact, you should all give me birthday cards," he said, grinning.

"None of us knows when your birthday is," Gwen pointed out.

"Time is flexible," said Jack. "It's always a birthday somewhere."

"Does that mean we can all take the day off to celebrate?" Ianto said dryly, and Jack had to laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> The greeting cards can be seen [here](http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/articles/23-totally-wtf-greeting-cards) (with some others).


End file.
